Incomplete
by Meltalviel
Summary: I feel I was born incomplete, missing some of the pieces. I never fit in. There was always a part of me longing to burst free of restrictions, free of society, and free of this fiendish world I’d had the misfortune to land on.


**A/N:** I should be writing For Good, but this chapter is taking me forever, and I've wanted to write this for weeks. It's weird, but then again, so is Melena. Reviews are loved!

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**Incomplete**

I feel I was born incomplete, missing some of the pieces. I never fit in. Whether it was because of my garishly obvious beauty or because I was heir to Colwen Grounds, I'll never know, but there was always a part of me longing to burst free of restrictions, free of society, and free of this fiendish world I'd had the misfortune to land on.

When I was barely old enough, I began searching solace in the most obvious way I could think of to fill in holes inside of me- sex. Nanny never understood, the old fool, how wonderful it would feel to have completeness, even if just for a moment, contentment in the state of purely being with another person. She never understood the electricity I'd feel with so many people, the different feelings and thoughts I thought they could fill me with. It seemed every person I saw would call out to me, stating, "Melena, look at what I can help you become!"

…And yet, no one ever seemed to. Sex, though exhilarating and predictably fun within itself, did nothing to help me become who I should be. The electricity would vanish with time, quelling the fires and inevitably exposing the raw, gaping holes in my soul- what little was left of it.

So I married the first poor man who loved me for me, not for the flighty temptress I was, not for the position I'd inherit, but for me, flaws and all. And what a poor man he turned out to be! In a way, it was an added bonus, irritating Nanny further with the knowledge that I'd settle down with a preacher of all things.

I think the cruel irony of it was what drove her away.

I loved him, though, when it came to the crux of the matter. He didn't complete me, he didn't make my fingers twitch with excitement, and he didn't make me feel as though I could do anything, but I loved him, and that was that.

Oh, I really did love him, but I couldn't change who I was, what I'd been dreaming of my whole life! And despite what Nanny may think, I did try to stay faithful for as long as I could- I did. But every now and then a stranger would pass by when Frex was on an outing, hoping for some water and perhaps shelter… I wouldn't be able to resist…

Time and my soul passed, slipping away in a green haze, shrouded by visions of a faraway land. I felt I was floating through life... surely this couldn't be _living_.

And my daughter was born. Elphaba, the beautiful monster, the embodiment of all my virtues and vices. I couldn't hate her. I couldn't love her. When a child reflects that much of you, it's hard to be anything but oddly defensive of it, loving it no more or less than required for fear it would reflect upon yourself…

And then Turtle Heart. He smiled, stuttered, and sighed his way into my heart, little by little, cold inch by inch of shattered ice. His presence, the very antithesis of all my role stood for, filled me up, seeped into parts of me I had never known, inevitably exposing the hollowness of the others he couldn't- or wouldn't- touch.

How ironic that the daughter I had next was incomplete, when I wasn't even sure of her father's identity! Oh, my daughters. They'll never know how similar they are to me; perhaps that's a good thing.

When Turtle Heart was killed, Frex and I both knew it was just a matter of time. How could things go back, when so much had happened?

We trekked through Quadling Country, a fire like I had never known seeping into ever fibre of my love's existence, fuelling him to do insane, horrible, wonderful things.

I didn't think I could return.

And I wouldn't. I gave birth in Quadling Country to a son, white, whole, and wonderful, all the while feeling myself slowly flit away from the scene, becoming whole and warm.

'Oh, Frex,' I thought as my consciousness fell away, 'forgive me; I'm off to the land of the living!'


End file.
